Towards a Healthy Marriage….by James Ijioma



A very good friend of mine in the Abuja environs whom I find very deep asked me a few weeks ago to share my thoughts on marriage. I acquiesced to his request, but quite naturally, after sending out such a volition, it was important to allow the returning thought forms crystalize in order to form an appropriate picture …


Picture bliss … Laughter, happiness, radiance, good health, mutual support, light, peace, and love everlasting. There are few institutions on earth which hold the blessings a good marriage is capable of releasing; and it is for these reasons and under these circumstances alone, that it becomes pleasing to God. This is not solely because of synergistic reasons, but is principally due to the deeper inspirational quality a good union will radiate and attract.

It is presumed that each person has a complement – who thrives in the essential qualities he lacks – and upon contracting that union, he/she is “completed”; at least, speaking in a literal sense.

By using the word “complement” is not just meant “that one person” with those characteristics which bring about completion, but essentially, one of several persons who possess the same characteristics which suitably harmonize and enhance the prospects of a good union. In special instances, however, there are those prenatally prepared to work together on earth for a special or specific purpose. If these unions are recognized and contracted aright, they hold the prospects of the greatest bliss!

One who is thus inspired reaches the zenith of his abilities – in truth surpasses them – and perpetually swims in the currents of a “bright white light” which energizes him body and soul.

From the above mentioned, it presupposes the fact, thereby, that a certain level of maturity should be possessed, or, at least intended, by those persons who seek to contract such a union. Very often, a person’s existence can be at stake in a marriage … and if it is not gotten right, is the fastest and surest way to sink. Nothing is more hellish than a bad marriage!

It is expedient, therefore, to understand that the primary aim of #marriage has to do with anchoring and jointly working towards “very high” goals which will not only spiritually profit the individuals involved, but will further serve as blessings to the environs. The sheer bliss of a harmonious union is a mighty blessing radiating out lovingly; as would a rose emitting its beautiful fragrance. “Complementarity” suffices to ensure this. Thus, even without the prospects of children, two mature individuals looking out for one another, and who are suitably paired, create the foundation for a union “made in Heaven.”

The converse is the case where a marriage is cunningly contracted for greedy and selfish materialistic reasons, for purposes of avoiding the “societal castigation of being single”, to indulge ones conjugal propensities unperturbed, to avoid aloneness in old age, or any other one of the very many aberrant purposes for which modern unions are today contracted, and which unfortunately constitute the unhealthy foundation for the very many collapses that are prevalent today.

Without mincing words, marriage is not an institution that should ever be “managed” – not even “for the sake of the kids”, and neither should anyone be unmindful of the challenges that will come due to human imperfections, or for reasons due to orientations born of different upbringings. Most of the elderly couples that I have cause to fraternize with, who are radiant and enjoy good health, are, amongst other reasons, nourished by the streams of light which flow through them by virtue of the love they share. Many others in horrible unions, but who stayed on nonetheless, are either dysfunctional today or seriously hampered by debilitating diseases – assuming of course, that they have not been prematurely dispatched to the Great Beyond! Such are the far-reaching effects of marriages and their consequences upon the individual. It is much better to separate and reinstate your self-respect, and avoid the possibility of corrosive thoughts and exchanges – which invariably avenges itself upon the physical body – than to stay in an unhealthy marriage.

But even in ”good marriages”, and there are so few nowadays! a lot of care and effort must be put into “protecting” and guarding the union against violations and intrusions of many sorts, lest the home become a battleground through which the Darkness will seek to perpetually launch one attack after the other to the detriment of the “complementary couples.” Towards this end, and because she is psychically more endowed with spiritual power, the woman holds the home! Her psychic efforts will shield the man against all sorts of distractions and negative influences which will then make it possible for him to function unhindered. She protects his back! The man in return, through the peace of mind and protection he enjoys, becomes the “provider and protector” in every sense possible; and by not exposing his spouse to the coarseness of physical travails, keeps her womanly sensitivity intact.

It is a great tragedy, thereby, when the woman is sorely overtaken by vanity, and her sole concern becomes one of food, drink, clothing and housing. Where the higher ideals and virtues – which can only arise from purity – are besmirched by filthiness, impropriety, and unfaithfulness of every sort, in such a home the center will certainly not hold. And by “faithfulness” is meant, faithfulness to her highest task; one of being a genuine woman.

It behoves upon the menfolk, therefore, to exercise great patience and love, for the women will always eventually become what they see in them. Women from “the streets” have been known to have been completely transformed under great love and care – eventually becoming “queens” – who can proudly hold their own anywhere in the world. There is a prayerful need for patience born of love.

In the reverse situation, it only suffices that the woman be! Her mere presence suffices to uplift her man, her home, and indeed the entire peoples! It will find them exuding the noblest character and behavior. But picture such a woman and her corresponding mannerism. Picture her manner of attiring and her attendant speech! Not many women today are striving towards those high ideals …

Time was when the elderly unmarried woman was called “mother” by all those who came in contact with her. It was high honour! She wasn’t mother because of her biological children, and neither was she mother because she was married. No! She is “mother” because of the highest ideals of womanhood she epitomizes!

We return to the subject of marriage and to the practicalities that hopefully will ensure a healthy and mutually beneficial relationship. We have spoken about the foundation, which if contracted wrongly, will imminently lead to a collapse. We have also touched in passing, the “spiritual roles” of the individuals, and can now move on to more practical exigencies … The sacredness of the subject must be approached with great caution as some of the most beautiful prospects have collapsed due to carelessness!

Marriage is a sacred institution between TWO PERSONS. Gays and lesbians can quietly excuse themselves from my page as I have no tolerance for such aberrations. I am addressing the marriage instituted by God which takes place between a man and a woman!

I repeat; two persons and not three. Right from the time of approach till the moment of eventual consecration of the union, these two must quietly and intimately agree on what they want to do before intimating anyone – if need be at all – about their plans. They should put heads together in love and respect to work out their visions. The nature of the attendant ceremony serves no use in qualifying the union, and even if they never stood before any priest or registrar, if they are “joined by God”, they are “joined before God!”

And if they hosted the most lavish reception in the world, and had the most highly revered religious Authority fly in to conduct their marriage rites, if they are not “joined by God”, then, they are not “joined before God!”

As you can well see, marriage is not a man-made institution. It has more to do with the “spiritual qualities” of the partners.

It is exceedingly important that the sacredness of the union is not desecrated by “third party involvements”, who while seeking to advance the cause of the couple, or of one of the partners, as is often deemed the case, usually cause more harm than good. And EVERYONE outside the two persons involved – be it father, mother, brother, sister or friend – is third party! These kind of incursions or meddlesomeness, often erode the best of unions if allowed.

Parental involvement in the lives of “their children”, they do not own and have no rights over whatsoever, and who at best can only be considered as “friends”, is often the bane of many a marriage.

The expectations of “family” are handed down to son or daughter, with many an unusual and immoral imposition. Nonetheless, if a strong personality is involved, this state of affairs will naturally be resisted. How does a mother/father dictate to a son or daughter in their thirties, forties, or even fifties, who they should marry?? There are no spiritual ties that link father and son, mother and daughter, after maturity of the offspring; unless they be forged voluntarily through genuine “friendship”.

They should be allowed to live their lives and to learn from their mistakes. Couples should be allowed the joys of experiencing the highs and lows of relationship without interference. There are too many cases where a mother for instance, wants to pry into the private lives of her children’s family, in order to forestall certain incidences they abhor! Towards this end, and with a certain feeling of justification (since she actually means well), she manipulates and teleguides with great cunning in the background in order to “subjugate” the man or woman her offspring has married! This is adultery of the highest order! And just because the bonds between a mother and her children are usually quite strong, this is often ruthlessly exploited by the former who seeks to extend her influence, or at least to give her wards the “upper hand”. Unfortunately, she does not realize that the lives of her offspring need not be patterned after hers at all, and that in truth, under no guise can she claim rights into their private affairs!

Through this action she transgresses the seventh commandment! The two must stand alone and apart if they are to succeed! Far from all chatter, idle talk, and even seeming “well-intentionedness“ of third parties. I know quite a few couples who by virtue of their strong personalities clashed terribly at first, but who worked it out alone, and for that reason are at peace today. I know of others who started off peacefully, and due to this “invasion” that was not resisted, eventually fell apart. I am sure that many persons have seen this scenario play itself out repeatedly … On earth today, so many relationships are tottering! Those that aren’t, are already experiencing the very first quakes …

It is important to add, however, that not every marriage experiencing such quakes is wrong or doomed to dissolution, because for a fact, many couples are actually brought together by an ‘unseen Higher Providence’ for the purpose of mutual purification, reformation, and ennoblement; whereby they learn and mature in pain and suffering for some time, through their mutual weakness/wrong beliefs; but with growing recognition and maturity, become able to turn their instability into a powerful message, and their pain into mutual gain. Very much like the process of using intense heat to refine rough stones – which eventually morph into the most precious of jewels. To navigate these precarious waters, however, as in all other situations of life, a heightened intuition that lends itself to deeply heart-felt prayer and guidance from “Above” is indispensible.

It is rather instructive to note that Bill and Melinda Gates have chosen not to bequeath any portion of their wealth to their children. Does anyone recognize the love inherent in this decision?

The second issue of great importance I will touch upon is respect. How do you speak about love without respect? This is a two-way thing. And though this largely borders upon ones upbringing, it behoves upon the individual to bring him/herself to the highest levels of finesse possible. By sheer respect, individuals have won the hearts of very many over, and many a spouse will forgive his partner “every wrong”, once the issue of respect is settled. Children are quick to imbibing what they see in their homes, and this becomes second nature, albeit quite unconsciously. That is why it is so important that harmony prevails in the home. Men who have had to witness incidences of battery often carry these traits into their lives, and women who are very abusive, verbally and otherwise, often “create” monstrances of their daughters. They “imbibe” this disrespect they repeatedly witness in their homes.

And that is the reason why a great bitterness, distrust, and hatred for “men” or “women”, stems from the daughters and sons of single and embittered mothers or fathers, if same was consciously or unconsciously communicated to them by either parent – through words, action or body language. And when the former are married, the latter are “convinced” that they have a role in that marriage, to ensure that their offspring do not encounter similar problems!

How so destructive and complicated this proves itself to be! Parents are likely to be subjective in their judgments and have little insight into what their wards have become over the years.

The way a spouse is portrayed is the way he/or she will be seen and received in society. The one who also disrespects his partner invariably also disrespects self. Where there is no respect there can be no love! A tragic but widespread scenario is often played out by the Darkness when partners of unequal maturity are paired. The one who is less mature will often deliberately provoke or bring to anger the one who is more mature, and if there is retaliation, (and this can easily occur under great pressure and stress), this is immediately “broadcasted” and the one who is presumed more mature suffers a great damage to his reputation thereby. Many men have been “dragged down” by playing into the hands of this Luciferian ploy. If not possessed of the necessary maturity, the more mature one should by all means, for a thousand and one reasons, seek a dissolution. That said, however, the one presumed “more mature” might not necessarily fit the reality … The Laws of Life, which weave the fabric a person is to wear, and which is equally furnished by that same individual, are not for a moment deceived by the great cunning of men. If for anything at all, on account of this “deliberate” evil, a man’s guilt is even greater and his returning seed more severe!

How many are the men, who without notice, have had to watch interviews on television regarding their most “discrete and intimate” consensual relationships with people they held in trust. While suffering irreparable damage, they have had to bitterly pay for their unfaithfulness, stupidity, and more obviously, for having fallen into well laid out snares … The Darkness is more cunning than most people think!

Thirdly, and of great significance, I would like to speak on the issues of privacy and space. This confounds many a partner and could be a source of bitter affliction. I will cite an example here. A man marries a hard-working woman who has toiled greatly to build herself a thriving business. The latter, in all unassumingness, marries a man she loves but who is rather laid back. Repeatedly, the man collects money from her, and this she doesn’t mind until it begins to take a toll on her and her business. What sort of man is that lazy and dependent anyway?! He presumes that by right of marriage he has access to her funds! Clearly this is wrong, inconsiderate, manipulative, and lacking in balance! Marriage does not grant anyone the right to violate an individual’s privacy and space. Only, where there is great maturity can sharing your dreams and visions be enhanced by the love of your spouse. There are mutual responsibilities which accrue to the partners by virtue of marriage, but no absolute rights! I will start by quoting a verse from the work of Kahlil Gibran who says of marriage:

“You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”

In this society, aye, especially – in this society! – it is wrongly assumed that the endeavor or business of any of the spouses must be joined together … funny! Pray, how can that be? It takes conviction, hard work, and determination to birth dreams. Dreams which may have taken years to condense and become reality. If your partner does not share of your passion, the best he/she will do is to wish you the best and pray for the success of your desires. Your happiness will eventually become hers and vice versa. Your fulfillment will eventually become hers and vice versa. Your reward will eventually become hers and vice versa. You can support that spouse along the lines of his/her dreams with prayers, finance, and in looking out for his/her welfare at all times. To automatically assume that any of the partners have controlling rights by virtue of marriage is very wrong. It is similarly wrong to scour through your spouse’s phone or documents. I have been to many offices and establishments where “oga’s wife”, otherwise known as “oga madam” lol, does everything to impress herself upon his workspace to the great discontent of many an employee. Would this at all have been necessary? Does this bring about any form of greater respect to her husband and even to her? Would she not be happier in her own world doing IT for instance, running an NGO, or going after any of her dreams? Would not this healthy independence be good for them both? I have equally met men in their wive’s hair salons or bukaterias watching over their businesses. Doesn’t always seem like an attribute of the masculine gender… True, out of love, he can render support et all, but not to play a supervisory role in affairs he is not suited to. If you are not careful, you will be drawn into the vortex of unrealistic expectations and desires which will crumble at the end of the day.

That said, however, where both partners have mutual aspirations, visions and goals, or, at least, a genuine interest in seeing the other succeed, an effective partnering can easily be attained to.

Fourthly, and of equally great importance is the “energy” of your space. Everyone radiates something which he gives to his environment and this eventually takes on form. It is either beautiful or ugly, uplifting or depressing, calming or disturbing. Good energy needs to be preserved. Good energy is a function of the thought forms around the environment and activity that goes on there. It can be enhanced by beauty, flowers, animals, crystals, inspired music, lighting candles, and good company. It can be elevated by love and continually blessing your space. It can be destroyed by the energy of “dubious” persons. Thus, a home must be held together by prayers and good thoughts. The energy of a home is sacrosanct to the well-being of the individuals and must not be carelessly intruded upon without consent by persons who deem themselves as having rights by virtue of being relatives. How many are the women whose homes have been turned into living nightmares through the whims and caprices of an overbearing mother-in-law. And when she resists this ugly state of affairs, she “gravely” offends her husband. Orientation plays a huge part in ensuring harmony. Not every act of anger is ill-intentioned.

Before “guests” are allowed into the home, you must confer with your spouse. The woman can usually “sense” others better, and if she is elevated in her mannerisms, it is natural, that in most decisions, she will take the lead. To confer this responsibility upon her, however, would come easily to every man whose home has become a sanctuary – a haven for peace to which he can reclude … after a hard day’s work! Over time, and, from experience, she becomes his trusted confidant to whom he can relate everything …

Because of the insecure, selfish, and often intolerable posture of some spouses, some people end up losing a lot of their friends. Not intending to stir the hornet’s nest, the latter vanish without a trace … When a husband cannot rely upon the instincts/attitude of his wife, he takes important meetings away from his home and would rather schedule them for his office. This can sometimes create a gulf.

Fifthly, as has been mentioned above, “conferring” means communication. There must be effective communication in marriage. Whatever is done right should be rightfully and lovingly credited, and whatever causes displeasure should be expressed, albeit in love. That tempers would flare up occasionally is only natural, (not really necessary though!) but this will always be surmounted when you stare into the eyes of your spouse and can still find love there. This will lead you to continual forgiveness, and by this you are repeatedly strengthened.

Fostering this possibility for continuous forgiveness, reconciliation, and a supportive growing together, is the need for both parties to develop their capacity for introspection and self-conquest – for indeed any person who does not realise that he/she is “a work in progress” with faults which need to be recognised and prayerfully overcome, will be unable to obey the injunction of our Lord Jesus, to seek to remove the log in his eye before attempting to remove the beam in others. He/she will always play the blame game and resist the necessary change. Needless to say, this compromises their harmonious growth even further.

The issue of trust is a really important one. And trust in itself is what it is. A person who is trustful will always trust others. That will be his first reaction. In time, this trust will lead to discernment, and he knows who he can place his trust in at every point in time. Would you marry anyone that you do not trust? Trust is also hopefulness; a desire that everything good will always happen. Shut out anything that seeks to create distrust! Some couples truly love themselves but are overwhelmed and exasperated by influences of all sorts plaguing them. This stems from outright psychic projections and intrusions, to needless meddlesomeness … Strength can be derived through prayer! A house that stands together in prayer can never be divided. Let the Love of God permeate your home in trustfulness at all times, and every Darkness, of a certainty, MUST eventually flee.

Sixthly, the issue of sex is usually overstated and is mostly engaged in and fueled by aberrant habits and wrong customs which desecrate body and soul regardless of the respectable rings anyone wears. With the amount of pornography in the air these days and with base power centers which have completely corrupted and blanketed the ethereal space, it seldom is what should really be!

Conjugal expression is the natural union born of a prior spiritual harmony which as well seeks physical consummation. It is energizing and refreshing. This expression leads to a greater energy in both partners with lots of health benefits. The resultant attractions, born of the purity of the attendant intuitions, plays a huge role in determining the quality of the offspring the mother attracts, as does the nature of the persons in the mother’s vicinity. When the women stand aright, the quality of the spirits on earth will change for the better!

As can be gleaned from the actions of many depraved souls on earth today, many have lost the human mannerism and corresponding spiritual form! For the greater part they are savage beasts who should be maturing in much denser regions, but who have been drawn up to the earth by the wrong vibrations of which we have spoken. Not for nothing did the wisdom of the “elders” have it that a woman must observe certain rules and regulations when she is pregnant. These differ from custom to custom. But if she continually prays, and wills it deeply, her offspring will be drawn from “light zones” and they will also be protected.

Lastly, the most important factor governing the sacred “rules” of marriage, is the golden rule of Love. Love is everything! In the face of true love, all the rules take on a relaxed new form and become mobile – permeated by light. This light permits of a flexibility and openness which bonds both partners together in absolute trust and respect, such that each is capable of intuiting the other.

Without words, they communicate absolutely everything and eye contact is both strengthening and enlivening. There is consideration and there is understanding. There is respect and there is trust. This sort of union is musical, truly made in Heaven. One who swings in the love of this kind experiences “Paradise” here on earth! The one living for the other, praying for the other, and blessing the other, with the entirety of his being!

Ego is totally subjugated and a spritely joyfulness rents the air. Blessed are those persons who can attain to this. It is achievable for those persons desirous of it, and indeed, will become the new standard on earth in the new time at hand.

But until that time dawns, when a new sun stands gloriously in the sky proclaiming the removal of all Darkness here on earth, the generality of present day marriages (which sadly are pervaded by great immorality)) will continually fail. That way, the self-respect of the disharmonious parties will be properly reinstated. This process is agonizingly painful; but it is relief from all falseness at last. Only thereafter will the right soil arise that will birth Heavenly Marriages!

May The Light grant us peace profound in our quest to attain to His Kingdom even right here on earth.

Have a splendid yuletide

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