My article a few years back “If you are married /dating a Nigerian male, Congratulations.” helped a few women value their Nigerian boyfriends as well as help foreign ladies make up their mind and marry their Nigerian suitors. This article is targeted at the Nigerian woman and to show the immense burden placed on the broad powerful shoulders of the Nigerian male and how like a beast of burden, they carry it uncomplainingly.
The story making rounds is the alleged statement by a 36 years old blogger saying her intended man must have at least 500 million naira and above before she can marry him. That wasn’t strange because THE NIGERIAN MALE IS EXPECTED TO BE WEALTHIER, MORE EDUCATED AND MORE POWERFUL THAN HIS PARTNER, else he is not A REAL MAN. In fact, the most respected pastor in Nigeria supports this view as does the Nigerian culture. There exists a Hausa culture that has men line up and either fight to the death with knives, or to collect horsewhips on their back and who faints last get the bride. What does the society not require of the Nigerian male for something as naturalnatural as taking a wife? Yes they take beatings on their backs like slaves on a white man’s cotton farm.
And have you seen the items a man must bring so as to take a wife in various Nigerian cultures? Salt, yam, oil, wrapper (lace or some exotic material) cap, walking stick, bicycle, motorcycle, train-the-wife’s-younger-brother etc etc. Then you feed a crowd of people and sometimes, you and your friends return at night to steal the bride even after PAYING for/buying the bride with no receipt given. And I am just talking native law and custom.
I was talking with my younger brother Derie Ofugara Just-ice when he was about to take a wife. I asked him how much for just the reception hall and he said 240 thousand naira. The cough I coughed, he asked me if I had pneumonia. No. I did not have pneumonia but by the time he told me all he had to do, all that was culturally, socially, and religiously required for him to do, my vital signs showed I had hypostatic pneumonia as I could not move. But not he. Derie is a Nigerian male, an Engineer. with faith and belief, he marched on and did all he was required of him, as do most Nigerian men. Salute!
Nigeria is the country where the males, even if they marry Dangote’s daughter, and she brings home ten million naira a month, and has a beautiful house, upon marrying her, she must move to his house. He cannot move into hers. So dude has to start looking for how to pay for a house in Lekki with his 150 a month salary. Those who marry rich girls find that the weight is even enough to give a man kyphosis abi hunchback. But not the Nigerian male. He will rally round and squeeze water from stone and will ensure he does not “fall his hand”, which means that he must bring honour to his name. And yes, Anichebe allegedly bought Dangote’s daughter a G-Wagon. What does it matter if the father can buy the plant? Salute!
In all this, the society pities not the Nigerian male. Any perceived failure on his part to meet any of these, he is sneered at and ridiculed and words like “that na man?” are said of him. It matters not that he now has a PhD and desperately is looking for work. It matters not that he hangs around this less educated politician acting as PA and paid intermittently. “He is not a man” They all say, even pastors that are supposed to preach love and unity above finance and mammon stoke the fire. “Money answereth all things” they say.
For those who can, they work all sorts of work from nooks of Lagos to crannies of Germany. From farms of Italy to cold security guards jobs of Canada.
For the ones who are maybe impatient or who never had their papers or for whatever reasons, it is Malaysia, Indonesia, Iran, Saudi Arabia, anywhere that they can make money, even if it is to sell drugs… EVEN IF THEY WILL BE KILLED IF CAUGHT. Still My Nigerian brother will not be a failure. He must meet the requirements of his culture, his society and yes HIS PASTOR. He will marry the love of his life CHINYERE or YEMI. He knows his home society believes in that Hardley Chase title “You are dead without money”. So he says to himself “Gimme wealth or gimme death” He is the Nigerian male. Salute! oh oh! No salute!
But the European and American male, all they have to do is not be gay, and a woman will even walk up to them, while the Nigerian must chase his woman. The American and his girlfriend can just walk into a registry or church and marry their loves and inform parents and friends later. His children are his and no culture will make him pay BRIDE PRICE else his seeds will be taken from him. Their economy allows two 18 year old fresh-outa-high school to start work in a fast food joint and able to have a baby or two and at 36, their children are in college as 20 year olds. But a Nigerian male has to lose his secondary school love to an older bros and later take someone else’s school love when he marries for the first time at 35. Salute!
Nigerian women do not know good they have it. With all this stress, and requirements, the Nigerian male remains on average a MANDINGO. His “semen” does not have to swim because his phallus drops the “ameoma” right atop the female egg. Two inches only…… from the knee, and an erection that is a battering ram, Asian women, caucasian women and women from all over the world look at it in wonderment telling their brothers “you must have retractable …emmmm .. emmm” as they compare what they grew up seeing with the ship mast of the Nigerian right in front of them. However, it is the Nigerian male that is insulted back home with worss like “he is not a man”, despite having an “operation dancing python” between his thighs. Dudes! Salute!!!
So to my Nigerian brothers who went through all the stress to take a wife including bringing salt and pepper. Salute!!! To the Nigerian hustling in hope praying for God to bless his hustle so he can marry and also dance etighi at his expensive wedding. Salute! To the Nigerian male dancing on wedding day, knowing God will provide the money to pay for all the debt incurred just to have a wife, Salute!!! To my Nigerian brothers back home drinking Kasaprenko, knowing with no light and Africa magic, only OKWARE is left as entertainment for the wife, SALUTE!
To the rest of us global husbands who God spared that backbreaker. Salute! Actually, emmmm to the foreign societies and cultures and their women who know God did not intend for them to break Adam’s spine but to be HELPMATES and so did not turn their husbands to debtors just because of marriage, (not to mention expensive burial of inlaw later) it is to you guys I give the real salute! We who are from Nigeria and know how it is back home, we thank you!
But really and truly, Nigerian men too much. “Eshare Wadoooo!!! Una welldone!!!
